Super Magical Maurice Hinchey

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I'm Ending This Blog

I didn't want to. I wanted to keep this blog going forever, talking about all of Maurice Hinchey's exploits— but there are no exploits, and probably never will be. Maurice Hinchey hasn't done anything noteworthy recently, and until he runs for the Senate or something, there's no reason to write about him.

You hear that, Maurice?! Get a leadership position. Then we'll talk.

--==/ Signing off \==--

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Hinchey Puts Total Smack-Down on Iran

Maurice Hinchey voted yes on H. Res. 523, along with every other member of the House (at least, those who bothered to show up). The bill condemned the remarks of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the so-called "president" of Iran. He made inflamitory statements against Israel, and Hinchey just couldn't take it anymore. He bravely voted to not only condemn Ahmadinejad, but to complain directly to the U.N. Security Council. And we all know how effective the U.N. is.

Hinchey Hates People Who Leak Names

In a bizarre twist of fate, Maurice Hinchey has come out railing against the Bush administration, saying it lacked integrity and character. According to Hinchey, the name of an undercover C.I.A. operative was leaked specifically to discredit a critic of the Bush administration's rationale for war with Iraq. This assertion has grown in strength thanks to the recent indictment of "Scooter" Libby.

In a slightly unrelated piece, Maurice claims to feel "sorry" for ex-nominee Harriet Miers. Apparently, Hinchey only thinks qualified people should be nominated to the nation's highest court. This arrogance will be his downfall.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hinchey Has Run-In With Sean Hannity

A short tussle between FOX News pundit Sean Hannity and Congressman Maurice Hinchey has once again lead to massive misunderstanding. It all started when Hannity tried to trap Hinchey in his own logic. While Hinchey decried all war supports, he himself had supported John Kerry (who supported the war in Iraq). To the untrained eye, it may seem as if there was a clear winner here. But the truth is that both Hinchey and Hannity won.

In Hannity's mind, Maurice came out publicly against an issue, and then voted for someone who supported that particular issue. That's a clear indication of hypocrisy. But what Hannity couldn't know was that Hinchey saw the whole thing in a different light. The reality Hinchey lived in had Kerry being lied to about the status of Iraq's weapons programs. Since no weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq, Hinchey's view was validated. Once in that mindset, Hinchey saw John Kerry not as a war supporter, but as someone who had been purposely mislead. Using this analysis, it becomes clear that Hannity saw Hinchey as a hypocrite, and Hinchey saw Kerry as a gullible fool.

And that's when Hinchey lost it and started wailing on Hannity.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Hinchey Leads Impeachment Charge

Read all about it here and here.

After countless years as a mere rank and file Congressman, Hinchey jumped out of the shadows to forcefully demand that Patrick Fitzgerald investigate whether President Bush knowingly lied to the American people about Iraq's WMD program (or lack thereof).

Sure, the request to expand the investigation from the leaking of a CIA agent to the whole of the Iraq War justification was made by Representative Nadler, but Maurice Hinchey played a huge part. He saw this coming over two months ago, when he said impeachment trials would begin in 2007, after a Democratic majority was elected in Congress in 2006.

Given Hinchey's track record for predicting future events, that impeachment trial seems more than likely.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Millionaire Dies, Hinchey Gets Kroch Money

A shady fellow by the moniker Michael Zinn died alone in a freak plane accident. Michael Zinn truly lived the American Dream, first by starting a huge business out of his shed, and then being sent to a federal prison for bypassing election laws. Guess whose campaign Zinn worked on. That's right— Maurice's! Zinn was Hinchey's financial chairman. Hinchey was never charged with anything, by hey. Guilt by association.

In a completely unrelated matter, Hinchey forced the federal government to fork over $250,000 for, get this, a library. Apparently, there's this whole exhibit on Native American culture that used to be in a museum downstate. But due to that museum's financial destitution, the artifacts needed a new home. After an extensive state-wide search, the Carl A. Kroch Library at Cornell was deemed acceptable. The whole collection was worth $8.3 million, but Cornell managed to haggle it all the way down to $2.5 million. Suckers!

Is this a case of pork spending? I sure think it is. $250,000 on a museum exhibit?! Well, at least Hinchey's not as bad as some Representatives.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Hinchey Loves Chemistry. Do YOU?

H. Res. 457 passed on October 17 with flying colors, thanks (in part) to Maurice Hinchey. The bill said that chemistry is good, and that it helped build America, or something like that. It also said that Congress supported National Chemistry Week. A few Representatives didn't vote, which was to be expected. After all, we wouldn't want them to get all tuckered out from a full day's work. But two Representatives actually voted against this bill. Check it yourself. Who are these politicians who hate science? John Shadegg of Arizona's 3rd district, and Jeff Flake of Arizona's 6th district. I think the implications of this are clear: the people of Arizona hate science. Why else would two of their Representatives vote against a bill with the sole purpose of praising National Chemistry Week?

If only all Representatives loved chemistry as much as Hinchey...