Hinchey Puts Total Smack-Down on Iran

Maurice Hinchey voted yes on H. Res. 523, along with every other member of the House (at least, those who bothered to show up). The bill condemned the remarks of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the so-called "president" of Iran. He made inflamitory statements against Israel, and Hinchey just couldn't take it anymore. He bravely voted to not only condemn Ahmadinejad, but to complain directly to the U.N. Security Council. And we all know how effective the U.N. is.

Hinchey Hates People Who Leak Names

In a bizarre twist of fate, Maurice Hinchey has come out railing against the Bush administration, saying it lacked integrity and character. According to Hinchey, the name of an undercover C.I.A. operative was leaked specifically to discredit a critic of the Bush administration's rationale for war with Iraq. This assertion has grown in strength thanks to the recent indictment of "Scooter" Libby.

In a slightly unrelated piece, Maurice claims to feel "sorry" for ex-nominee Harriet Miers. Apparently, Hinchey only thinks qualified people should be nominated to the nation's highest court. This arrogance will be his downfall.

Hinchey Has Run-In With Sean Hannity

A short tussle between FOX News pundit Sean Hannity and Congressman Maurice Hinchey has once again lead to massive misunderstanding. It all started when Hannity tried to trap Hinchey in his own logic. While Hinchey decried all war supports, he himself had supported John Kerry (who supported the war in Iraq). To the untrained eye, it may seem as if there was a clear winner here. But the truth is that both Hinchey and Hannity won.

In Hannity's mind, Maurice came out publicly against an issue, and then voted for someone who supported that particular issue. That's a clear indication of hypocrisy. But what Hannity couldn't know was that Hinchey saw the whole thing in a different light. The reality Hinchey lived in had Kerry being lied to about the status of Iraq's weapons programs. Since no weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq, Hinchey's view was validated. Once in that mindset, Hinchey saw John Kerry not as a war supporter, but as someone who had been purposely mislead. Using this analysis, it becomes clear that Hannity saw Hinchey as a hypocrite, and Hinchey saw Kerry as a gullible fool.

And that's when Hinchey lost it and started wailing on Hannity.

Hinchey Leads Impeachment Charge

Read all about it here and here.

After countless years as a mere rank and file Congressman, Hinchey jumped out of the shadows to forcefully demand that Patrick Fitzgerald investigate whether President Bush knowingly lied to the American people about Iraq's WMD program (or lack thereof).

Sure, the request to expand the investigation from the leaking of a CIA agent to the whole of the Iraq War justification was made by Representative Nadler, but Maurice Hinchey played a huge part. He saw this coming over two months ago, when he said impeachment trials would begin in 2007, after a Democratic majority was elected in Congress in 2006.

Given Hinchey's track record for predicting future events, that impeachment trial seems more than likely.

Millionaire Dies, Hinchey Gets Kroch Money

A shady fellow by the moniker Michael Zinn died alone in a freak plane accident. Michael Zinn truly lived the American Dream, first by starting a huge business out of his shed, and then being sent to a federal prison for bypassing election laws. Guess whose campaign Zinn worked on. That's right— Maurice's! Zinn was Hinchey's financial chairman. Hinchey was never charged with anything, by hey. Guilt by association.

In a completely unrelated matter, Hinchey forced the federal government to fork over $250,000 for, get this, a library. Apparently, there's this whole exhibit on Native American culture that used to be in a museum downstate. But due to that museum's financial destitution, the artifacts needed a new home. After an extensive state-wide search, the Carl A. Kroch Library at Cornell was deemed acceptable. The whole collection was worth $8.3 million, but Cornell managed to haggle it all the way down to $2.5 million. Suckers!

Is this a case of pork spending? I sure think it is. $250,000 on a museum exhibit?! Well, at least Hinchey's not as bad as some Representatives.

Hinchey Loves Chemistry. Do YOU?

H. Res. 457 passed on October 17 with flying colors, thanks (in part) to Maurice Hinchey. The bill said that chemistry is good, and that it helped build America, or something like that. It also said that Congress supported National Chemistry Week. A few Representatives didn't vote, which was to be expected. After all, we wouldn't want them to get all tuckered out from a full day's work. But two Representatives actually voted against this bill. Check it yourself. Who are these politicians who hate science? John Shadegg of Arizona's 3^rd district, and Jeff Flake of Arizona's 6^th district. I think the implications of this are clear: the people of Arizona hate science. Why else would two of their Representatives vote against a bill with the sole purpose of praising National Chemistry Week?

If only all Representatives loved chemistry as much as Hinchey...

Hinchey: "Sunshine is the best disinfectant"

Speaking about open government and the like, Hinchey reportedly asked what people would do with $100,000,000. Apparently they wouldn't spend it on a jail, which will cause a tax increase of 40%. I know if I had $100,000,000 I wouldn't spend it on a jail. I would use it to fund a special agency whose sole purpose would be to entertain me using only a kazoo and some balloons.

Hinchey Wins $1 Million!

Well, actually, he didn't win it. He procured it so that Saugerties can rebuild a whole bunch of old streets. This may not seem very important, but Saugerties' county-wide nickname is currently "that city with ugly and cracked streets." Represenative Hinchey knows that the people of Saugerties deserve freshly paved streets. Besides, what else could the federal government have spent $1 million on? Probably something like this.

Hinchey Hates Bridges

Hinchey seems to hate bridges almost as much as he loves ferries. If only I had a Congressman who hated ferries as much as I do...

Does Hinchey Eat Babies?

The answer is "No, of course he doesn't." But since he won't tell me himself, I've got to keep guessing. But I know for a fact that he wants people to be able to afford homes. Or at least, that's what he says.

Count Hinchey Out

H CON RES 248 passed the U.S. House the other day. But numbers mean nothing- what did it say? H CON RES 248 was a bill honoring the life and work of Simon Wiesenthal, and denouncing intolerance in all its forms. The bill passed with zero opposition. But 79 representatives didn't vote- Maurice Hinchey among them. Did Hinchey just ignore a chance to make a symbolic gesture to denounce intolerance?! Hinchey is renowned as a hardcore liberal, so it's highly unlikely that he secretly supports intolerance. Therefore, he must have ducked out early.

Why Does Hinchey Hate Pollutants?

Because he does. General Electric dumped tons of PCBs into the Hudson River for decades, turning it into one of the most polluted places in New York. After being prodded by the EPA, it finally agreed to fork over between 100 and 150 million dollars to help the recovery process. Of course, the total cost of the cleanup project could be over $500 million, leading Representative Hinchey to express his suspicions.

U.S. Rep. Maurice Hinchey, D-Hurley, called the agreement a positive step, but expressed reservations about its limitations. He accused GE of wielding influence inside the Bush administration, and suggested the fate of the cleanup might ultimately come down to who wins the presidential election in 2008.

Whoa! Did you just see that?! Maurice totally called out GE. I think it's safe to say the only losers here are the people who eat fish from the Hudson River. Why doesn't the media fully appreciate Mr. Hinchey?

Where on Earth is Congressman Hinchey?

My quest to draw the attention of Maurice Hinchey by sending him an online letter with a fake name and address has failed. Therefore, I must report on all of the legislative things that he does. Hopefully, this blog will one day attract the attention of Representative Hinchey himself. Then we'll party.